She, she wants to be loved, wants to be seen, to be included.
She longs for arms to wrap around her so she may disappear into a full embrace and find what forgetting feels like, she wants to know that feeling in her bones…she already does.
She knows how to forget and how to remember.
Sometimes, she forgets her troubles, aches and pains, their stories and shadow; when she does the place residing in her depths reveals itself in joy, playing.
That place, her essence, omnipresent, under soiled surface until expressed; it only disappears like sun to clouds, but never, ever, does it leave her heart.
Alive, shining, it fuels her every moment.
At other times, she forgets this seed self and spins like winds on a blustery day, from here to there, caught in the distraction of how things appear to be, convinced and without discrimination.
Depending on her forgetfulness she sulks or celebrates, she wishes and hopes or meets the moment with acknowledgement.
She realizes what she already is and what we all blank out about.
Why would we possibly choose to neglect something so beautiful?
Something with such meaning, such spark, vitality, huspah!
The very thing that makes a flower come into existence.
Why on earth would we not tend to such?
In prayer, in dream, in song and sovereignty, those are the moments we do.
When we become animate for the force once invisible, we give Her an altar on which to dance
and why of course, she does!
Life is here for the feeling, to lift emotion into something more refined,
offering definition for devotion, petals of gratitude and love, the gift of being the seed and emerging as the flower.
When we let ourselves become, through application and responsibility to choice that we then
disappear
into an embrace of her love.
By standing upright in our own individuality we can be carried away by her promise.
No matter what, she’s there to wrap her arms so tenderly, so completely, so entirely, so you may rest in knowing just yourself no longer.
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What is the difference between the seed and the flower? Lately, I have been reflecting on this as a metaphor for my own life. How can, and how do I, return to that place of essence inside of me? When I am there, will I know it? What does it feel like? In some ways, I never leave that place, and on other levels, I most certainly do. I forget and act in ways that exemplify that forgetfulness. My ideal is to stay connected to such a place, the place of Self, and to consciously participate in that being the place from which I express in my every day life.
The first steps feels like knowing when I am there, connected, embodied, taking up residence in the holy. I know when I am there because literally, I stand more straight, I feel a sense of ground underneath me and am more easeful with my experience. I find I am curious towards myself and others. I am like a child, in the way where I love already, you, this moment, my freedom that I might not even call it such yet; I am just being. I am inclusive, clear seeing, and often, I am joyful but I very well may be sad, too. There is a sense of responsibility that comes with this place for me: It is my job to take care of me, to cooperate with my own evolution, to expand my growth edges. If I don’t do that what happens is often I get escalated, frustrated, and because of my lack of Self energy, I tend to blame others. You know?
Oh the freedom that actually comes from being responsible! For quite a long time there were parts of me afraid of that responsibility – that if I am responsible than I have to be perfect…then I cannot make any mistakes. That thought keeps me away from my agency and therefore, my sense of empowerment to choose. Responsibility doesn’t have to be so scary; it actually opens up many doors, and without an inner critic there is choice, choice, and more choices.
As a creator, the seed, we have access to a force. It wouldn’t be without the great mother earth, her Sakti, that growth happens. It is an interdependent relationship. She fuels me, I sprout, rising, lifting to reveal my flower. To express the invisible, bringing the formless into form. How do you participate in doing so? And how, do you know when you are connected to that place?
My prayer is that we my take root in our own seed selves more often, to celebrate that place, the true power that we do have access to, and to push up through the earth in due time becoming a field of flowers, together. As Rumi so beautifully says, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass. the world is too full to talk about.”
How do we nurture and be nurtured by that place inside of ourselves that is genuine, that is unprotected by pretense, defense, projection, protection and the many hats we put on to cover our eyes. How do we come to rest in our true nature, and how do we return to that field once we have left? It is always there.